Tag Archives: Change

Transformative Growth: Navigating Change and Control

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Change Isn’t the Problem—Losing Control Is

If change were easy, self-help books would be unnecessary, therapists would be bored, and most of us would have quit our bad habits years ago.

The real problem isn’t change. It’s control—or more precisely, the terror of losing it. We cling to beliefs, identities, and stories not because they are true, but because they are familiar. As Immanuel Kant warned in his critique of dogmatism, moral certainty is the enemy of truth. Certainty feels comforting… right up until it starts costing us our relationships, health, and vitality.

“People don’t fear change; they fear losing a sense of control.”
— T. Napier

We like to say we want truth, growth, and freedom. But when truth knocks on the door, it often shows up holding a mirror—and suddenly we’re not so sure.

“The truth will set you free,” yes—but first it may bruise your ego, challenge cherished beliefs, and disrupt the story you’ve been telling yourself for years. When we cling too tightly to being right, we close ourselves off from reflection, humility, and learning.

Black-and-white thinking, rigid beliefs, and the need for certainty can temporarily reduce anxiety, but they also keep us from ambiguity, curiosity, and the mystery of life itself—a theme echoed often by James Hollis.

Why Growth Is So Hard

One of the main reasons we resist growth is simple: it hurts.

The ancient Greeks understood this well. Aeschylus wrote that through suffering comes wisdom. Without suffering, we risk remaining unconscious, infantile, and dependent.

Yet much of modern life is organized around avoiding suffering altogether. Many of our addictions, ideological attachments, and neuroses are elaborate escape routes—detours away from pain rather than pathways through it (Hollis).

Some sobering realities:

  • Roughly one in four North Americans identify with fundamentalist belief systems that promise certainty and simplicity.

  • Between 25–50% struggle with some form of addiction.

  • Many of the rest of us choose neurosis—not because we are broken, but because defending against life’s wounds can feel safer than engaging them.

The Cost of Avoidance

Taking ownership of our lives requires intention, courage, and strength. It means claiming personal authority rather than outsourcing responsibility to leaders, ideologies, partners, or circumstances.

Growth follows a recognizable arc—often described as the Four Stages of Change:

  1. Unconscious Incompetence – We don’t know what we don’t know.

  2. Conscious Incompetence – Awareness dawns…and it’s uncomfortable.

  3. Conscious Competence – New behaviors are practiced intentionally.

  4. Unconscious Competence – Growth becomes embodied and natural.

As Carl Jung observed, “What we are unaware of manifests itself as fate.” Or, as Hollis puts it more bluntly: what we’re unaware of eats our lunch.

The Shadow at Work

The traits we repress, deny, or hide—our shadow—do not disappear. They leak out sideways, often sabotaging the very success, intimacy, or peace we say we want. What we cannot see in ourselves, we project onto others.

Different cast. Same play.

The names change. The locations change. The relationships change. But the themes repeat—until we take responsibility for the role we are playing.

This is what Jung meant when he said healing the world begins with inner work. When asked if there was hope for humanity, he replied: Yes—if enough people do their inner work.

The “Doozy” Stage: Conscious Incompetence

Stage Two is where many people finally wake up—often after a failed relationship, job loss, health scare, or family crisis.

“When the pain of not changing becomes greater than the pain of changing, change occurs.”

My hope is that reading this helps you arrive here before life forces the issue.

As a coach, I cannot work with anyone unwilling to examine their own role in the situation they are unhappy with. Growth is impossible if responsibility is always outsourced. Ironically, those who need coaching or therapy the most often resist it most strongly.

It is like throwing hand grenades and then complaining about all the explosions.

If you are thinking, “This might be me,” congratulations—that is awareness knocking.

Humility: The Unsung Hero

Shame and guilt can either immobilize us or initiate repair. When connected to responsibility and right action, they become catalysts for growth.

Across wisdom traditions, humility is foundational. Confucius called it the solid foundation of all virtues. Humility detoxifies the inflated ego and opens the door to wisdom. It allows us to be honest with ourselves—and therefore more compassionate toward others.

Addiction, Avoidance, and the Cost of Numbing

Addictions—whether to substances, work, screens, sex, or distraction—are often attempts to manage anxiety. They work briefly, then demand more, leaving wreckage in their wake: strained relationships, depleted health, stalled careers, and deepened despair.

An addiction is simply anything you cannot stop doing—even when it is costing you your life force.

The Turning Point

Here is the good news: insight changes everything.

When we understand why we repeat self-defeating patterns, we regain choice. Pain becomes information. Suffering becomes a teacher rather than a jailer.

What we resist persists.
What we face with courage becomes manageable.

Stage Three: Conscious Competence

If you are still reading—well done. This is where transformation becomes practical.

At this stage, you begin trying new behaviors intentionally. You accept yourself—warts and all. With self-acceptance comes healthier boundaries, deeper relationships, and less judgment toward others.

When you truly respect yourself, you no longer tolerate disrespect. You stop needing to be right and start wanting to be real. Empathy replaces defensiveness. Over 90% of conflict would dissolve if we listened more and argued less.

Stage Four: Unconscious Competence

Think of learning to drive. At first it is awkward and nerve-wracking. Eventually, it becomes second nature.

Most of life is habit. Since we are going to be ruled by habits anyway, why not choose better ones?

With intention and consistency, new ways of being become automatic. Forgiveness frees us—not because it excuses harm, but because it releases us from being defined by it. Sometimes loving someone means finding the right distance—even if that distance is far away.

The Call of the Hero

One of the hardest—and most sacred—tasks in life is discovering what is right for you and having the courage to pursue it. As Jung reminded us, this summons cannot be ignored without cost.

Each of us is on a hero’s journey—a truth articulated beautifully by Joseph Campbell. When we refuse the call, life grows smaller. When we answer it, we reclaim our authority, our meaning, and our capacity to live fully.

The world does not need more certainty.
It needs more conscious, humble, self-aware humans willing to do the work.

And yes—once you begin, there is no turning back.

From Ego to Awareness: A Leadership Journey

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Ego, Awareness, and the Call to Conscious Leadership

Leadership today is not failing because leaders lack intelligence or skill.
It is failing because ego development has not kept pace with complexity.

To understand this, we must first understand the ego.

What Is the Ego — and Why Does It Matter?

The ego is our constructed identity—our sense of “I.” The word ego comes from Latin, meaning exactly that: I. According to Sigmund Freud, the ego has two primary needs:

  • To be right
  • To defend itself

Its major drives, as Freud understood them, were sex and aggression—a theory shaped by the male-centric lens of his era. When healthy, the ego mediates these drives productively: sexuality expressed through intimacy and commitment; aggression channeled into work, leadership, creativity, and achievement. When unhealthy or unconscious, these same drives can manifest as impulsivity, domination, or violence.

In leadership, ego shows up as:

  • Defensiveness when challenged
  • Inability to receive feedback
  • Needing to “win” rather than learn
  • Confusing authority with superiority

Reflection:
Where do you notice the ego most strongly influencing your leadership behavior?

Beyond Survival: Meaning, Belonging, and Purpose

Psychologists after Freud recognized that human beings are not driven by survival alone. Viktor Frankl observed that meaning—not pleasure or power—is our deepest motivation. Abraham Maslow and Rollo May described a developmental progression:

  • When safety and security are met, belonging and affiliation become central
  • When belonging is secured, the need for meaning, purpose, and individuation emerges

In organizations, burnout often signals not a workload problem—but a meaning problem.

Reflection:
What gives your work meaning right now—and what quietly drains it?

From Ego to Awareness: Three Stages of Leadership Development

To understand leadership maturity, it helps to look at stages of ego development:

1. Egocentric — “It’s all about me.”

At this stage, leadership is self-focused. Decisions revolve around personal success, image, and control.

2. Ethnocentric — “It’s about us.”

Here, leaders identify strongly with their group: team, organization, ideology, or nation. Loyalty and belonging are powerful—but often come with “us vs. them” thinking.

3. Worldcentric — “I care about all of us.”

This stage reflects a broader identity. Leaders consider the impact of decisions on all stakeholders and future generations.

Ken Wilber suggests that roughly 70% of adults operate primarily at the ethnocentric stage.

Reflection:

Where do you see organizations—or yourself—getting stuck?

The Cost of Separation in Leadership

At the core of ego is the belief that we are separate. This illusion has profound consequences.

Albert Einstein wrote:

“The experience of ourselves as something separate from the rest is a kind of optical delusion of consciousness.”

When leaders operate from this illusion, competition replaces collaboration, control replaces trust, and short-term gain overrides long-term responsibility.

Eckhart Tolle adds:

“The ego’s greatest fear is the truth.”

That truth is our interdependence.

Reflection:
Where does “us vs. them” thinking show up in your organization?

Ego Inflation, Expertise, and Power

Modern leadership culture rewards specialization, achievement, and authority—but these can quietly inflate the ego.

Marie-Louise von Franz warned:

“Specialization leads to ego inflation.”

Degrees, titles, success, and expertise can seduce leaders into believing they are better than others. History shows that this sense of superiority—often unconscious—leads to dehumanization and inequity.

Near the end of her life, von Franz cautioned:

“The greatest threat to civilization is ego inflation.”

Reflection:
How do leaders remain humble as competence and authority increase?

The Inner Work of Conscious Leadership

Carl Jung believed the world changes only when individuals do their inner work. Leadership development, then, is not just about skills—but about awareness.

Conscious leadership requires awareness of:

  • Self (triggers, blind spots, defenses)
  • Others (impact, differences, perspectives)
  • Systems (culture, power, incentives)
  • Purpose (why the work matters)

Awareness creates choice.
Ego reacts.
Leaders respond.

Key Takeaways: Why This Matters Now

  • Ego is necessary—but dangerous when unconscious
  • Most leadership failures are developmental, not technical
  • Ethnocentric leadership cannot solve global, systemic problems
  • Awareness must grow alongside intelligence and power
  • The future of leadership depends on inner development

As Albert Einstein famously noted:

“The thinking that got us into this problem will not get us out.”

A Closing Invitation

We are living in a time when technology is accelerating faster than moral and ego development. The pain of not changing is rapidly becoming greater than the fear of change.

There is hope.

If enough individuals—and especially leaders—develop toward a world centric orientation, guided by conscience rather than ego, we can meet this moment.

You will find your leadership at the intersection of the world’s needs and your gifts.

Listen to your heart.

— Peter Metzner

 

The Power of Awareness for Personal Growth

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We are bombarded daily with messages—from advertisers, social media, movies, news outlets, workplaces, families, schools, religious institutions, and politicians to name only a few. Much of this messaging happens beneath our conscious awareness. Neuroscience has even found that the brain can be more active during sleep than while passively watching television—unless we are highly selective about what we consume.

Without realizing it, we internalize countless messages thrust upon us every day. Advertisers and social media platforms use sophisticated algorithms, along with classical and operant conditioning techniques, to shape our beliefs and condition our desires—often convincing us to want things we don’t need. As a society, we have been trained to equate success with money, status, and possessions. We are shown endless images of what the “ideal” woman or man should look like, what success supposedly entails, what we should drive, and even how we should think.

Compounding this, we naturally seek out information that confirms what we already believe. Our choice of news sources, political affiliations, religious orientations, and self-concepts all reinforce a familiar worldview. This tendency has a name.

In his book What Makes Your Brain Happy and Why You Should Do the Opposite, David DiSalvo writes:

“The brain doesn’t merely prefer certainty over ambiguity—it craves it.”

Our need to be right is actually a need to feel right. Neurologist Robert Burton refers to this as certainty bias—a bias that quietly distorts our thinking. Because our brains crave certainty, we often feel anxious or threatened when our worldview—religious, political, or cultural—is challenged, even when compelling evidence contradicts our beliefs.

Seen through this lens, it becomes easier to understand why differing viewpoints, cultures, religions, and ways of life can feel threatening. If my way of thinking is right, good, and true, then your way must be wrong. And if I am good, then you must be bad—or even evil. And evil must be fought.
Right?
Or… is there another way?

This dynamic helps explain why religion—intended as a force for meaning and healing—can become a source of division and conflict. The problem is not any particular religion. The problem is our unexamined minds.

Philosopher and integral theorist Ken Wilber describes moral development as unfolding in three broad stages:

  • Egocentric: It’s all about me

  • Ethnocentric: It’s all about us

  • Worldcentric: It’s about all of us

This parallels Lawrence Kohlberg’s stages of moral development: pre-conventional, conventional, and post-conventional. Wilber suggests that roughly 70% of the world’s population remains at the ethnocentric level, meaning we interpret reality primarily through the lens of our tribe—our culture, religion, nationality, or political ideology.

When ethnocentric worldviews dominate—combined with weapons of mass destruction, vast economic inequality, resource depletion, and environmental degradation—it doesn’t take an Einstein to see where we may be headed.

If humanity is to move toward peace, sustainability, and a shared sense of global responsibility, a critical mass of people must grow into the third stage of moral development: worldcentric consciousness.

Carl Jung was once asked whether there was hope for the world. His response was simple and sobering:

“There is—if enough people do their inner work.”

Each of us is called to wake up from the collective trance and recognize that there is only one human family. As Desmond Tutu reminded us, “We are all family.” Jung and other depth psychologists understood that, at a soul level, we are profoundly interconnected. This insight echoes Jesus’ teaching: “Whatever you do to the least of these, you do unto me.” Einstein, too, observed that our sense of separateness is ultimately an illusion. Even physics now points toward the same conclusion: at an energetic level, we are deeply connected.

Jung believed that neurosis arises from being—or having to be—someone we are not. It is the imprisonment of living according to external definitions of who we should be. Shakespeare captured this brilliantly: “The most confining prisons are the ones we do not know we are in.” Psychological health, then, is not perfection—it is authenticity. As Einstein put it, it is learning “to see with your own eyes and feel with your own heart.”

To wake up and develop awareness is to step outside our emotional conditioning. Daniel Starr describes this as stepping outside the emotional field. Awareness allows us to override unconscious conditioning. It is the foundation of growth, healing, and personal responsibility. With awareness, we gain choice. Without it, we live on autopilot—repeating patterns that are not truly ours. The names, places, and people may change, but the outcomes remain eerily familiar.

As awareness grows, so does choice. And with choice comes the possibility of living more intentionally and creatively.

So how do we wake up from a conditioned, neurotic life?

According to Starr and many wisdom traditions, the first step is learning to become an observer—a witness to our moment-to-moment experience. When we can observe a thought or emotion without identifying with it, we are far less likely to be driven by it. This is a crucial step toward self-mastery.

Equally important is learning to observe without judgment. Self-criticism traps us in emotional reactivity. Awareness, on the other hand, reveals our repetitive patterns and gives us the freedom to choose differently. Self-mastery enhances our effectiveness—not only in our work and vocation, but in our relationships and inner life.

Emotions are states of mind, and we are always experiencing one—whether we realize it or not. Thoughts and emotions are tightly linked. A thought triggers an emotion, which sparks another thought, carrying more emotional “baggage.” Left unchecked, this feedback loop intensifies. Many of us recognize this pattern when we repeatedly replay an upsetting situation and grow increasingly agitated. This process is often called awfulizing or catastrophizing.

The good news? Once we are aware of it, this pattern becomes surprisingly manageable.

Awareness is the cornerstone of self-mastery. So when you first notice yourself awfulizing, reward yourself—not sarcastically, but genuinely. You are associating a positive emotion with awareness, rather than adding another layer of self-criticism.

Negative emotions usually signal a mismatch between what we are experiencing and what we want. Instead of resisting this, we can use it as information. The steps are simple:

  1. Reward yourself for noticing the negative emotional state.

  2. Identify what you don’t want, and ask: If this isn’t what I want, then what do I want?

  3. Imagine and feel what it would be like to have what you do want.

The third step is essential. You are now consciously choosing an emotional state—shifting from conditioned reaction to intentional response. This shift strengthens self-mastery and improves our capacity to handle stress and frustration.

Wherever we place our attention, energy flows. William James, often called the father of psychology, observed that we become what we habitually think about. Neuroscience now confirms this: repeatedly focusing on virtues and strengths actually rewires neural pathways, helping us embody the qualities we value.

Happiness, in the deepest sense, is not something we chase—it is a byproduct of purpose, meaning, healthy relationships, and the feeling that our lives matter. Psychological maturity comes from knowing who we are, taking responsibility for our behavior, accepting our strengths and limitations, and learning to love ourselves—so that we can genuinely love others. As Marianne Williamson reminds us, true affluence is knowing what matters and aligning our lives accordingly.

Each of us is summoned to live our own life—and to wake up from the trance.

The world needs you.

Suggested Reading

  • What Makes Your Brain Happy and Why You Should Do the Opposite — David DiSalvo

  • The Essential Ken Wilber: An Introductory Reader

  • The Middle Passage: From Misery to Meaning in Midlife — James Hollis

Reclaiming Personal Authority: A Journey to Authentic Living

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Knocking From the Inside: Recovering Personal Authority and Meaning

“I have lived on the lip of insanity, wanting to know reasons, knocking on a door. It opens. I’ve knocked from the inside.”
— Rumi

There comes a moment—sometimes quietly, sometimes through crisis—when we realize the life we are living no longer fits. I’ve seen it in my own life and in countless conversations with others: a persistent restlessness, a sense that something essential has been left behind. We may be successful, responsible, and functioning—yet inwardly disconnected. That disconnection is not a failure. It is often the beginning of an invitation.

Carl Jung named this condition with clarity:
“All of our trouble flows from being separated from our instincts.”

Sigmund Freud framed it differently when he said, “The price of civilization is neurosis.” What Freud called neurosis can be understood as the cost of adaptation—the ways we shape ourselves to belong, succeed, and survive. Over time, we may lose touch with our natural truth and begin living from an external script rather than inner authority.

In modern life, this shows up everywhere: burnout, anxiety, quiet despair, a feeling that we are performing our lives instead of inhabiting them.

To live authentically means reconnecting with what is uniquely ours—our passions, instincts, talents, and values—and expressing them in ways that feel meaningful and alive. This process is often called vocational integration: aligning who we are with how we live and contribute. But it requires courage, honesty, and a willingness to ask deeper questions.

Questions That Open the Door

Jungian analyst James Hollis, PhD, emphasizes that transformation begins not with answers, but with the right questions. Questions invite the psyche to speak. Silence, solitude, and patience allow us to hear what is already trying to emerge.

You don’t need to answer all of these at once. Choose one or two that resonate and stay with them over time.

Reflective Questions (from James Hollis, PhD):

  • How do I know what is true for me?

  • When and how did I lose my personal authority?

  • What core beliefs or ideas have defined my life so far?

  • What forces brought me to this moment—family, fate, culture, or unconscious patterns?

  • What parts of my life are working, and what feels constricting?

  • What messages did I internalize? (e.g., Be perfect. Be successful. Don’t disappoint.)

  • Why does my life sometimes feel scripted rather than chosen?

  • Am I choosing security over truth?

  • Where do I hide—from others or from myself?

  • What feelings or desires have I pushed underground?

  • Where do I experience meaning, awe, or transcendence?

Keeping the Appointment With the Self

Jung believed that the highest calling in life is an appointment with the Self—the deeper center of who we are. Not everyone keeps that appointment. Yet life continues to call us back through dissatisfaction, symptoms, and longing.

If the life you’ve lived feels too small, that is not a judgment—it is information.

Each morning, we face two familiar forces:

  • Fear: I’m too small. It’s too late. I can’t do this.

  • Lethargy: Tomorrow will be easier. Stay comfortable.

Jung warned that fear negates life force, writing:
“Only boldness can overcome fear. If the risk is not taken, the meaning of life is violated.”

When Symptoms Are Messengers

Depression, anxiety, addictions, and compulsions are often viewed as problems to eliminate. Hollis offers another perspective: they may be signals that the psyche can no longer cooperate with a life that isn’t true. Symptoms can be cracks in the false self—attempts by the deeper Self to reclaim direction, much like reins guiding a horse back onto its path.

Jung believed that at some level, every person already knows what they need to do. Our task is to listen, discern, and act.

Practical Ways to Begin

If you feel stirred by these ideas, here are simple, concrete ways to engage the process:

  • Journaling: Write freely for 10 minutes on one question each week—without editing or judging.

  • Solitude walks: Walk without distractions and notice what thoughts or emotions surface.

  • Dream reflection: Record dreams; ask what part of you is trying to speak.

  • Reading: Explore works by Jung, James Hollis, or Rilke slowly—letting passages work on you.

  • Guided support: Consider therapy, coaching, or a reflective group focused on depth work and meaning.

An Invitation

If you truly knew what you are capable of, would you still hesitate?

There is a place in your life where your voice belongs. There is something only you can offer. Genius is not reserved for the few—it is part of our birthright.

As Rilke wrote:
“Our task is to be defeated by ever larger things.”

So I invite you to reflect—and respond:

👉 Which question in this piece feels most alive for you right now?
👉 What part of yourself is asking to be reclaimed?

If you’re willing, share your reflections or experiences in the comments. Meaning deepens when it is spoken—and when we realize we are not walking this path alone.

“The Privilege of a Life Time” by Peter Metzner

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The privilege of a lifetime is being
who you are.
The goal of the hero trip
down to your jewel point
is to find those levels in the psyche
That open, open, open,
and finally open to the mystery
of your self
being Buddha consciousness,
the Christ.

That’s the journey
(Joseph Campbell) Reflections on the Art of Living – A Joseph Campbell Companion

“Find a place where there is joy and the joy will burn out the pain” .

According to Campbell, Satan is the epitome of the intractable ego. That part of ourselves needing to be right, to defend ourselves, feeling separate, better than or not as good as others depending on our beliefs, dogma and life’s situations. Hell is the concretization of your life experiences, a place where you’re stuck, the wasteland. In hell, we blame others for our condition and are so bound to ourselves that grace cannot enter. What is hellish is being stuck without hope, without relief.*

How we mature, depends on taking responsibility for our choices, no longer blaming others, or expecting rescue from them. And to acknowledge the pain of loneliness however much we are invested in social roles and relationships. (James Hollis) Swamplands of The Soul. The mature person i.e. one who is psychologically free : “is confident in his inner world, responsible for his strengths and weaknesses, consciously able to love himself, and thus, able to love others”…. Marion Woodman

In a simple and poignant description of the human condition, and of growth; Jolande Jacobi, a Jungian analyst writes: “Like a seed growing into a tree, life unfolds stage by stage. Triumphant ascent, collapse, crises, failures, and new beginnings strew the way. It is the path trodden by the great majority of people, as a rule unreflectingly, unconsciously, unsuspectingly, following its labyrinthine windings from birth to death in hope and longing. It is hedged about with struggle and suffering, joy and sorrow, guilt and error, and nowhere is there security from catastrophe. For as soon as a man tries to escape every risk and prefers to experience life only in his head, in the form of ideas and fantasies, as soon as he surrenders to opinions of ‘how it ought to be’ and, in order not to make a false step, imitates others when possible, he forfeits the chance of his own independent development. Only if he treads the path bravely and flings himself into life, fearing no struggle and no exertion and fighting shy of no experience, will he mature his personality more fully than the man who is ever trying to keep to the safe side of the road.”
J. Jacobe, The Way of Individuation

There are two gremlins we face every morning.

Fear: I am too tiny it is too hard… I can’t do it.

Lethargy: – chill out tomorrow is another day…

Each will eat us alive… Fear and lethargy are the enemy they are not out there they are inside
Carl Jung wrote: The spirit of evil is the negation of live force by fear… only boldness can overcome that fear.
If the risk is not taken, the meaning of life is violated”

Our task is to recover our personal authority and discern the meaning of our lives.
Who are we to stand in its way?

Overcoming Addictions and Compulsions: “Finding Your Self” by Peter Metzner

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If something out side of your self is the reason you are happy;  you are hostage to it.  Ekhard  Tolle

In over 15 years in being in the field of Human Development, I have seen no correlation with having a lot of material things and “happiness”.   Money is important and ranks along  with oxygen to live.   Yet, when there is enough oxygen to breathe  it doesn’t register in our awareness of needs.

Neuroscience has found that money or accumulating money stimulates the pleasure centers of our brains.      If we are happy, have supportive relationships and are living meaningfully and with purpose,  material comforts can  enhance our sense of well-being.   However,  if we are unhappy,  we are  like hungry ghosts.   Searching and driven yet never satisfied.  Riches, material comfort, distractions etc.  can’t make us happy if we are anxious, driven, unhappy or suffering from low self-esteem or lack of meaning.   If materialistic ambition becomes a substitute for our intrinsic needs for giving and receiving love and doing work that is “right” for us, we can become addicted in the pursuit of diversions, pleasure, accumulating “things” , titles, accomplishments, etc.

Neuroscientist Robert Sapolsky, PhD  explains, “dopamine levels increase as soon as we start anticipating a reward. Once the dopamine starts flowing, monkeys and people will work and work and work expecting  a treat.  For monkeys,  a grape is usually enough.   For people, the treats include:  a pair of sneakers, a shiny car, an MBA that might lead to a high-paying job, early retirement, a couple of minutes of entertaining diversion, a few seconds of sexual gratification, etc…    Monkeys and people’s neurochemistry  function virtually the same!    The main difference: “Monkeys don’t get hooked on beliefs, ideologies, dogma, degrees, titles, fantasies, lies, empty promises, or self-deceptions” .

What is known about addictions:

  • Any behavior that can deliver a dopamine reward can become an addiction.
  • The more powerful the addiction, the greater the denial, the weaker the free will, the more likely addicts are to detest any information that threatens to keep them from feeding their addictions.
  • It’s possible to get addicted to safety, peer approval, and esteem.   (The dopamine project)

Using brain scanning equipment, researchers have found that there is basically one addiction—dopamine addiction. When heroin addicts shoot up, the street drug tells their brains to produce dopamine. Heroin is a trigger.  Dopamine flow creates the sensation of being ‘high.’ When it comes to scoring dopamine rewards, there are many triggers. For some the trigger is cocaine. For others it’s nicotine, alcohol, sex, gambling, or food.  Street drugs are physical dopamine triggers that are hard to deny because they need the ingesting, inhaling, or injecting of addictive substances.  Sadly, physical dopamine addictions destroy lives and wreak societal damage.  Researchers have recently added video games and texting to the list. Yet the most dangerous dopamine triggers include easy to deny psychological addictions. Psychological dopamine addictions may be more insidious because addictive emotions, memories, thoughts, fantasies, ideologies, rhetoric, and deceptions also trigger release of  dopamine.

An addiction is anything you can’t stop doing and it serves as an anxiety management system.  Along with addictions come formidable psychological defenses.  They include self-deception, denial, and a lack of morality that can even lead to a capacity for murder.   Reason, integrity, morality and a distaste for lying, cheating, stealing, and killing  that non-addicts value are often no match to addicts of:   power, money, fame, substances etc.   We see  in history and current events “examples of unstoppable, unreasonable, inhumane, addict/killers attacking, vilifying, and eliminating reasoning, humane, non-addict/non-killers” (The Dopamine Project)

Addicts have an amazing capacity to dismiss and deny facts, truth, and reason.   “Dopamine flow fuels addictions: More dopamine = yes, like, do more while dopamine withdrawal = stop, hate, avoid. “Thinking”   justifies, rationalizes, and defends  dopamine-influenced decisions”. (The Dopamine Project)  In other words,  intelligence  in the service of  addiction.

One of the most addictive abstractions is money.  Someone  addicted to alcohol or drugs, increasingly organizes their life  around the use and abuse of their substance(s) of choice.  The person who uses money to mood alter can have their relationship with money spin out of control; by being overly focused on accumulating it, spending it, hoarding it or using it to control people, places and things. For example,  as with a drug or alcohol, tolerance increases and a person  may find him/ herself needing to devote increasingly larger amounts of time to these activities, to get the same mood altering high that only a little once provided.  They become increasingly preoccupied with all things related to getting and maintaining their “substance”  excluding  other areas of living.  Gradually, just like any addict, money and the relationship with money becomes a primary preoccupation.   (Tian Dayton, PhD)    Personal drives and identity become so wrapped up around money  that they lose sight of who “they really are” .

No matter how much they have, money addicts crave more.    As with all addictions, the first pleasure is soon replaced by cravings and withdrawal.  Acquiring more money only increases stress levels which keep money addicts craving more money while worrying about losing what they already have.  Money is highly addictive because it quickly and easily converts into other dopamine triggers that feed other addictions like drugs, foods, sex, gambling, approval, status, and power.  The corrupting influences of money addiction everywhere and at every level of society.

So what does this have to do with Finding your “Self”. 

“Since our capacity for Self deception is truly monumental”  (Yorum Kaufam ) Self Awareness and  Self Mastery entails being aware:  of who we really are, what truly matters, the emotions that drive our behaviors, being able to “regulate or manage them,  knowing our passions, our talents, owning our weaknesses and:   what our “Self”,  Psyche or Soul are asking of us.  This is an awareness of what we truly value and a growing understanding  of our place in the world and connection to the transcendent.  To get there,  we need to recognize the mine fields, the seductions and powerful conditioning  of society that  pulls us to these  baser levels of living, wanting  and consuming.  Freud wrote that “The price of civilization is neurosis” – neuroses defined as  ” being someone who you are not”.

Rather than conform mindlessly or automatically to the expectations of  society,  we can  listen to that small voice. If we are quiet and still enough, summoning the will to live a life that is authentically ours.   “When we allow our light to shine we give permission for others lights to shine” ( Marian Williamson)    The great change agents throughout history, Christ, Buddha, Mohammed, Gandhi, Mandela, Martin Luther King, etc.  all answered their summons to raise human consciousness, be in relationship to the transcendent,  live mindfully, ethically and see all of humanity as family.

It is OK  to not fully know our  selves or our true North.   The beginning of wisdom is to realize what you don’t know.  To get there requires openness, receptivity and  mindfulness.    I was forty before shifting into my role of teaching, coaching & training.   By  seeking to stay true to yourself, your values and what energizes you is the compass that helps in finding your way.

The Greek god Aesculapius decreed “that it  is through suffering we come to wisdom” .   Avoidance of suffering can lead to and fuel addictions, compulsions and flights from reality.  (James Hollis) Suffering can also give us empathy, understanding and insights which can help others work through their pain.  Being fully human is to experience the full range of emotions.  Being aware and   experiencing   “all”  emotions enables us to live more fully,  better exercise  free will,  intentionality and grow into the person we are meant  to be.

 “There is hope for the world if enough people do their inner work“. C. G. Jung

References and suggested readings:

The Dopamine Project – Better Living Through Dopamine Awareness : see  http://dopamineproject.org/

Swamplands Of  The Soul – New Life in Dismal Places, James Hollis inner City Books  1996

What Makes Your Brain Happy and Why You Should do the Opposite.  David Disalvo Prometheus Books  2011.

River of Time Guided Visualization and Relaxation Process by Peter Metzner

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How ready or able are you to: 

  • Eliminate stress?
  • Sustain self-confidence in the most challenging situations?
  • Maintain a healthy perspective towards life challenges?
  • Letting go of self-limiting beliefs?
  • Discovering your true life’s goals?
  • Staying  calm?
  • Generating a good nights sleep 365 days a year?
  • Enjoying a greater engagement with life?
  • Maximizing your energy all day long?
  • Dealing with the complexities of life?

For the price of a decent bottle of wine you can change your mood and life forever. 

I  made a CD and audio of a guided visualization and relaxation process I have been doing with various groups for over twelve years.  After going through the process,  many report:  increased self-confidence, sense of well-being, a healthier perspective, ability to  connect to meaningful goals, greater calmness and focus as well as sleeping better and having more energy!

The River of Time Audio enables you to experience  deep relaxation, allows you to release stress and let go of self-limiting beliefs.

It is crucial for health and mental well being to activate the the relaxation response daily.   A relaxed body relaxes the mind, giving a much greater capacity to manage life’s challenges.   It is clinically impossible to be anxious or stressed while the body is relaxed!

There are numerous ways to activate the relaxation response.    Gardening, golf, walking,  meditation and yoga to name a few.  An advantage of the guided visualization and relaxation  process is that not only does it assist  in achieving a deep state of relaxation – it  helps in letting go of self limiting beliefs and can you connect to the  true  North of your  inner compass.

After facilitating dozens of this process live to students, teachers, and people from all walks of life, many have connected to deeper and more meaningful goals;  and experienced the calmness, focus and drive to take action in going after them!

I hope you will experience this proven process.  Below is a  testimonial:

“I really enjoyed the River of Time CD!  After listening to the River of Time CD I experienced that I slept better than I had in a long while. Those 20 minutes were the most stress-free, relaxing, and encouraging 20 minutes ever!”
Once again, thank you!  Mollie D.

River of Time CD

The River of Time audio can be ordered for $9.99 from http://dynamicchangeinc.com/blog/shop/shop/river-of-time-digital-audio-download/

Or a  CD for 14.99 (Free Shipping) from:  http://dynamicchangeinc.com/blog/shop/shop/river-of-time-cd/

Please send your comments. They will be helpful for others to see!