Tag Archives: consciousnes

Reclaiming Personal Authority: A Journey to Authentic Living

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Knocking From the Inside: Recovering Personal Authority and Meaning

“I have lived on the lip of insanity, wanting to know reasons, knocking on a door. It opens. I’ve knocked from the inside.”
— Rumi

There comes a moment—sometimes quietly, sometimes through crisis—when we realize the life we are living no longer fits. I’ve seen it in my own life and in countless conversations with others: a persistent restlessness, a sense that something essential has been left behind. We may be successful, responsible, and functioning—yet inwardly disconnected. That disconnection is not a failure. It is often the beginning of an invitation.

Carl Jung named this condition with clarity:
“All of our trouble flows from being separated from our instincts.”

Sigmund Freud framed it differently when he said, “The price of civilization is neurosis.” What Freud called neurosis can be understood as the cost of adaptation—the ways we shape ourselves to belong, succeed, and survive. Over time, we may lose touch with our natural truth and begin living from an external script rather than inner authority.

In modern life, this shows up everywhere: burnout, anxiety, quiet despair, a feeling that we are performing our lives instead of inhabiting them.

To live authentically means reconnecting with what is uniquely ours—our passions, instincts, talents, and values—and expressing them in ways that feel meaningful and alive. This process is often called vocational integration: aligning who we are with how we live and contribute. But it requires courage, honesty, and a willingness to ask deeper questions.

Questions That Open the Door

Jungian analyst James Hollis, PhD, emphasizes that transformation begins not with answers, but with the right questions. Questions invite the psyche to speak. Silence, solitude, and patience allow us to hear what is already trying to emerge.

You don’t need to answer all of these at once. Choose one or two that resonate and stay with them over time.

Reflective Questions (from James Hollis, PhD):

  • How do I know what is true for me?

  • When and how did I lose my personal authority?

  • What core beliefs or ideas have defined my life so far?

  • What forces brought me to this moment—family, fate, culture, or unconscious patterns?

  • What parts of my life are working, and what feels constricting?

  • What messages did I internalize? (e.g., Be perfect. Be successful. Don’t disappoint.)

  • Why does my life sometimes feel scripted rather than chosen?

  • Am I choosing security over truth?

  • Where do I hide—from others or from myself?

  • What feelings or desires have I pushed underground?

  • Where do I experience meaning, awe, or transcendence?

Keeping the Appointment With the Self

Jung believed that the highest calling in life is an appointment with the Self—the deeper center of who we are. Not everyone keeps that appointment. Yet life continues to call us back through dissatisfaction, symptoms, and longing.

If the life you’ve lived feels too small, that is not a judgment—it is information.

Each morning, we face two familiar forces:

  • Fear: I’m too small. It’s too late. I can’t do this.

  • Lethargy: Tomorrow will be easier. Stay comfortable.

Jung warned that fear negates life force, writing:
“Only boldness can overcome fear. If the risk is not taken, the meaning of life is violated.”

When Symptoms Are Messengers

Depression, anxiety, addictions, and compulsions are often viewed as problems to eliminate. Hollis offers another perspective: they may be signals that the psyche can no longer cooperate with a life that isn’t true. Symptoms can be cracks in the false self—attempts by the deeper Self to reclaim direction, much like reins guiding a horse back onto its path.

Jung believed that at some level, every person already knows what they need to do. Our task is to listen, discern, and act.

Practical Ways to Begin

If you feel stirred by these ideas, here are simple, concrete ways to engage the process:

  • Journaling: Write freely for 10 minutes on one question each week—without editing or judging.

  • Solitude walks: Walk without distractions and notice what thoughts or emotions surface.

  • Dream reflection: Record dreams; ask what part of you is trying to speak.

  • Reading: Explore works by Jung, James Hollis, or Rilke slowly—letting passages work on you.

  • Guided support: Consider therapy, coaching, or a reflective group focused on depth work and meaning.

An Invitation

If you truly knew what you are capable of, would you still hesitate?

There is a place in your life where your voice belongs. There is something only you can offer. Genius is not reserved for the few—it is part of our birthright.

As Rilke wrote:
“Our task is to be defeated by ever larger things.”

So I invite you to reflect—and respond:

👉 Which question in this piece feels most alive for you right now?
👉 What part of yourself is asking to be reclaimed?

If you’re willing, share your reflections or experiences in the comments. Meaning deepens when it is spoken—and when we realize we are not walking this path alone.

The Hidden Costs of Psychological Projection

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An Invisible Force Shaping Our Conflicts, Relationships, and World

Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling irrationally angry, hurt, or morally certain you were right—only to replay it later and wonder what really happened?

Moments like these are often driven not by what’s in front of us, but by what’s unseen within us.

We all use psychological defense mechanisms—what I sometimes call internal security systems. Their job is simple: protect us from emotional pain. Since growth often involves discomfort, these defenses can feel necessary.

But they come at a cost.
They protect us from awareness, and therefore from growth.

One of the most powerful—and least recognized—of these defenses is projection.

What Is Projection? (In Plain Language)

Projection happens when we attribute to others qualities, feelings, or motives that we don’t want to see—or don’t know how to accept—in ourselves.

You’ve heard the phrase “the pot calling the kettle black.” Psychologically, that’s projection.

The tell-tale sign is emotional charge.
If a reaction feels outsized, rigid, or righteous, something unconscious is likely at play.

A Simple Example

You feel irritated by a colleague you experience as arrogant. You replay their behavior, judge it harshly, and feel justified in your frustration. Later, you realize you often dominate conversations when anxious—but haven’t owned that.

What you reacted to wasn’t just them.
It was something familiar.

Projection is like living in a hall of mirrors. What we see “out there” often reflects something unresolved “in here.”

Why Projection Feels So Convincing

Projection doesn’t just distort perception—it rewards us.

It offers:

  • A sense of superiority (I’m right; they’re wrong)

  • Relief from shame or self-doubt

  • Protection from responsibility and change

If I believe you are the problem, I don’t have to look at myself.

But this comes at a high price. Projection quietly sabotages intimacy, collaboration, and trust—at work, in families, and in communities.

Quote for reflection:
“Man’s capacity for self-deception is truly monumental.” — Yoram Kaufman

Practice: Catching Projection in Real Time

When you feel triggered, pause and ask:

  • What am I reacting to most strongly?

  • Where might this quality live in me—however subtly?

  • What would it cost me to acknowledge that?

When Beliefs Harden into Contempt

Projection becomes especially dangerous when fused with rigid beliefs—moral, ideological, or religious.

If I believe my way is the only right way, disagreement becomes evidence that you are misguided, inferior, or even bad. From there, contempt and control feel justified.

A common relational example:

  • A manager decides an employee is “incompetent”

  • The manager becomes critical and controlling

  • The employee shuts down or disengages

  • The manager uses this as proof they were right

Projection creates the very behavior it condemns.

Collective Projection: When the Scale Turns Deadly

Projection doesn’t stop with individuals—it operates at the level of groups and nations.

History shows how easily fear and blame can be projected onto an “enemy.” Once a group is demonized, domination and violence feel not only justified—but necessary.

Adolf Hitler understood this mechanism well. The Nazi regime projected its own hunger for power, control, and brutality onto Jewish people—accusing them of conspiracies and corruption.

These projections paved the psychological road to genocide.

What’s most unsettling is this: psychologists have shown that this capacity is not unique to one culture or era. We’ve seen it in Rwanda, Sudan, and in the displacement and destruction of Indigenous peoples across the Americas.

Projection scales frighteningly well.

The Antidote: Owning Our Projections

The path forward is not moral perfection—it’s responsibility.

Owning our projections doesn’t mean self-blame. It means reclaiming what we’ve given away.

Whenever you feel emotionally charged, try this:

  1. Name the trigger

  2. Identify the quality you’re reacting to

  3. Ask how it might exist in you—past or present

  4. Notice what shifts when you do

Often, intensity softens. Curiosity replaces certainty.

As Marion Woodman wrote:

“To be psychologically free is to be confident in our own inner world, responsible for our own strengths and weaknesses, consciously loving ourselves—and therefore able to love others.”

And as Carl Jung once said when asked if there was hope for the world:
“There is hope—if enough people do their inner work.”

A Final Reflection

The outer world cannot be healed without inner responsibility.

Projection blinds us. Awareness restores sight.

Reflection question:
Who or what am I reacting to most strongly right now—and what might that reaction be inviting me to see in myself?

That question is the first step.

“The Privilege of a Life Time” by Peter Metzner

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The privilege of a lifetime is being
who you are.
The goal of the hero trip
down to your jewel point
is to find those levels in the psyche
That open, open, open,
and finally open to the mystery
of your self
being Buddha consciousness,
the Christ.

That’s the journey
(Joseph Campbell) Reflections on the Art of Living – A Joseph Campbell Companion

“Find a place where there is joy and the joy will burn out the pain” .

According to Campbell, Satan is the epitome of the intractable ego. That part of ourselves needing to be right, to defend ourselves, feeling separate, better than or not as good as others depending on our beliefs, dogma and life’s situations. Hell is the concretization of your life experiences, a place where you’re stuck, the wasteland. In hell, we blame others for our condition and are so bound to ourselves that grace cannot enter. What is hellish is being stuck without hope, without relief.*

How we mature, depends on taking responsibility for our choices, no longer blaming others, or expecting rescue from them. And to acknowledge the pain of loneliness however much we are invested in social roles and relationships. (James Hollis) Swamplands of The Soul. The mature person i.e. one who is psychologically free : “is confident in his inner world, responsible for his strengths and weaknesses, consciously able to love himself, and thus, able to love others”…. Marion Woodman

In a simple and poignant description of the human condition, and of growth; Jolande Jacobi, a Jungian analyst writes: “Like a seed growing into a tree, life unfolds stage by stage. Triumphant ascent, collapse, crises, failures, and new beginnings strew the way. It is the path trodden by the great majority of people, as a rule unreflectingly, unconsciously, unsuspectingly, following its labyrinthine windings from birth to death in hope and longing. It is hedged about with struggle and suffering, joy and sorrow, guilt and error, and nowhere is there security from catastrophe. For as soon as a man tries to escape every risk and prefers to experience life only in his head, in the form of ideas and fantasies, as soon as he surrenders to opinions of ‘how it ought to be’ and, in order not to make a false step, imitates others when possible, he forfeits the chance of his own independent development. Only if he treads the path bravely and flings himself into life, fearing no struggle and no exertion and fighting shy of no experience, will he mature his personality more fully than the man who is ever trying to keep to the safe side of the road.”
J. Jacobe, The Way of Individuation

There are two gremlins we face every morning.

Fear: I am too tiny it is too hard… I can’t do it.

Lethargy: – chill out tomorrow is another day…

Each will eat us alive… Fear and lethargy are the enemy they are not out there they are inside
Carl Jung wrote: The spirit of evil is the negation of live force by fear… only boldness can overcome that fear.
If the risk is not taken, the meaning of life is violated”

Our task is to recover our personal authority and discern the meaning of our lives.
Who are we to stand in its way?

Overcoming Addictions and Compulsions: “Finding Your Self” by Peter Metzner

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If something out side of your self is the reason you are happy;  you are hostage to it.  Ekhard  Tolle

In over 15 years in being in the field of Human Development, I have seen no correlation with having a lot of material things and “happiness”.   Money is important and ranks along  with oxygen to live.   Yet, when there is enough oxygen to breathe  it doesn’t register in our awareness of needs.

Neuroscience has found that money or accumulating money stimulates the pleasure centers of our brains.      If we are happy, have supportive relationships and are living meaningfully and with purpose,  material comforts can  enhance our sense of well-being.   However,  if we are unhappy,  we are  like hungry ghosts.   Searching and driven yet never satisfied.  Riches, material comfort, distractions etc.  can’t make us happy if we are anxious, driven, unhappy or suffering from low self-esteem or lack of meaning.   If materialistic ambition becomes a substitute for our intrinsic needs for giving and receiving love and doing work that is “right” for us, we can become addicted in the pursuit of diversions, pleasure, accumulating “things” , titles, accomplishments, etc.

Neuroscientist Robert Sapolsky, PhD  explains, “dopamine levels increase as soon as we start anticipating a reward. Once the dopamine starts flowing, monkeys and people will work and work and work expecting  a treat.  For monkeys,  a grape is usually enough.   For people, the treats include:  a pair of sneakers, a shiny car, an MBA that might lead to a high-paying job, early retirement, a couple of minutes of entertaining diversion, a few seconds of sexual gratification, etc…    Monkeys and people’s neurochemistry  function virtually the same!    The main difference: “Monkeys don’t get hooked on beliefs, ideologies, dogma, degrees, titles, fantasies, lies, empty promises, or self-deceptions” .

What is known about addictions:

  • Any behavior that can deliver a dopamine reward can become an addiction.
  • The more powerful the addiction, the greater the denial, the weaker the free will, the more likely addicts are to detest any information that threatens to keep them from feeding their addictions.
  • It’s possible to get addicted to safety, peer approval, and esteem.   (The dopamine project)

Using brain scanning equipment, researchers have found that there is basically one addiction—dopamine addiction. When heroin addicts shoot up, the street drug tells their brains to produce dopamine. Heroin is a trigger.  Dopamine flow creates the sensation of being ‘high.’ When it comes to scoring dopamine rewards, there are many triggers. For some the trigger is cocaine. For others it’s nicotine, alcohol, sex, gambling, or food.  Street drugs are physical dopamine triggers that are hard to deny because they need the ingesting, inhaling, or injecting of addictive substances.  Sadly, physical dopamine addictions destroy lives and wreak societal damage.  Researchers have recently added video games and texting to the list. Yet the most dangerous dopamine triggers include easy to deny psychological addictions. Psychological dopamine addictions may be more insidious because addictive emotions, memories, thoughts, fantasies, ideologies, rhetoric, and deceptions also trigger release of  dopamine.

An addiction is anything you can’t stop doing and it serves as an anxiety management system.  Along with addictions come formidable psychological defenses.  They include self-deception, denial, and a lack of morality that can even lead to a capacity for murder.   Reason, integrity, morality and a distaste for lying, cheating, stealing, and killing  that non-addicts value are often no match to addicts of:   power, money, fame, substances etc.   We see  in history and current events “examples of unstoppable, unreasonable, inhumane, addict/killers attacking, vilifying, and eliminating reasoning, humane, non-addict/non-killers” (The Dopamine Project)

Addicts have an amazing capacity to dismiss and deny facts, truth, and reason.   “Dopamine flow fuels addictions: More dopamine = yes, like, do more while dopamine withdrawal = stop, hate, avoid. “Thinking”   justifies, rationalizes, and defends  dopamine-influenced decisions”. (The Dopamine Project)  In other words,  intelligence  in the service of  addiction.

One of the most addictive abstractions is money.  Someone  addicted to alcohol or drugs, increasingly organizes their life  around the use and abuse of their substance(s) of choice.  The person who uses money to mood alter can have their relationship with money spin out of control; by being overly focused on accumulating it, spending it, hoarding it or using it to control people, places and things. For example,  as with a drug or alcohol, tolerance increases and a person  may find him/ herself needing to devote increasingly larger amounts of time to these activities, to get the same mood altering high that only a little once provided.  They become increasingly preoccupied with all things related to getting and maintaining their “substance”  excluding  other areas of living.  Gradually, just like any addict, money and the relationship with money becomes a primary preoccupation.   (Tian Dayton, PhD)    Personal drives and identity become so wrapped up around money  that they lose sight of who “they really are” .

No matter how much they have, money addicts crave more.    As with all addictions, the first pleasure is soon replaced by cravings and withdrawal.  Acquiring more money only increases stress levels which keep money addicts craving more money while worrying about losing what they already have.  Money is highly addictive because it quickly and easily converts into other dopamine triggers that feed other addictions like drugs, foods, sex, gambling, approval, status, and power.  The corrupting influences of money addiction everywhere and at every level of society.

So what does this have to do with Finding your “Self”. 

“Since our capacity for Self deception is truly monumental”  (Yorum Kaufam ) Self Awareness and  Self Mastery entails being aware:  of who we really are, what truly matters, the emotions that drive our behaviors, being able to “regulate or manage them,  knowing our passions, our talents, owning our weaknesses and:   what our “Self”,  Psyche or Soul are asking of us.  This is an awareness of what we truly value and a growing understanding  of our place in the world and connection to the transcendent.  To get there,  we need to recognize the mine fields, the seductions and powerful conditioning  of society that  pulls us to these  baser levels of living, wanting  and consuming.  Freud wrote that “The price of civilization is neurosis” – neuroses defined as  ” being someone who you are not”.

Rather than conform mindlessly or automatically to the expectations of  society,  we can  listen to that small voice. If we are quiet and still enough, summoning the will to live a life that is authentically ours.   “When we allow our light to shine we give permission for others lights to shine” ( Marian Williamson)    The great change agents throughout history, Christ, Buddha, Mohammed, Gandhi, Mandela, Martin Luther King, etc.  all answered their summons to raise human consciousness, be in relationship to the transcendent,  live mindfully, ethically and see all of humanity as family.

It is OK  to not fully know our  selves or our true North.   The beginning of wisdom is to realize what you don’t know.  To get there requires openness, receptivity and  mindfulness.    I was forty before shifting into my role of teaching, coaching & training.   By  seeking to stay true to yourself, your values and what energizes you is the compass that helps in finding your way.

The Greek god Aesculapius decreed “that it  is through suffering we come to wisdom” .   Avoidance of suffering can lead to and fuel addictions, compulsions and flights from reality.  (James Hollis) Suffering can also give us empathy, understanding and insights which can help others work through their pain.  Being fully human is to experience the full range of emotions.  Being aware and   experiencing   “all”  emotions enables us to live more fully,  better exercise  free will,  intentionality and grow into the person we are meant  to be.

 “There is hope for the world if enough people do their inner work“. C. G. Jung

References and suggested readings:

The Dopamine Project – Better Living Through Dopamine Awareness : see  http://dopamineproject.org/

Swamplands Of  The Soul – New Life in Dismal Places, James Hollis inner City Books  1996

What Makes Your Brain Happy and Why You Should do the Opposite.  David Disalvo Prometheus Books  2011.

River of Time Guided Visualization and Relaxation Process by Peter Metzner

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How ready or able are you to: 

  • Eliminate stress?
  • Sustain self-confidence in the most challenging situations?
  • Maintain a healthy perspective towards life challenges?
  • Letting go of self-limiting beliefs?
  • Discovering your true life’s goals?
  • Staying  calm?
  • Generating a good nights sleep 365 days a year?
  • Enjoying a greater engagement with life?
  • Maximizing your energy all day long?
  • Dealing with the complexities of life?

For the price of a decent bottle of wine you can change your mood and life forever. 

I  made a CD and audio of a guided visualization and relaxation process I have been doing with various groups for over twelve years.  After going through the process,  many report:  increased self-confidence, sense of well-being, a healthier perspective, ability to  connect to meaningful goals, greater calmness and focus as well as sleeping better and having more energy!

The River of Time Audio enables you to experience  deep relaxation, allows you to release stress and let go of self-limiting beliefs.

It is crucial for health and mental well being to activate the the relaxation response daily.   A relaxed body relaxes the mind, giving a much greater capacity to manage life’s challenges.   It is clinically impossible to be anxious or stressed while the body is relaxed!

There are numerous ways to activate the relaxation response.    Gardening, golf, walking,  meditation and yoga to name a few.  An advantage of the guided visualization and relaxation  process is that not only does it assist  in achieving a deep state of relaxation – it  helps in letting go of self limiting beliefs and can you connect to the  true  North of your  inner compass.

After facilitating dozens of this process live to students, teachers, and people from all walks of life, many have connected to deeper and more meaningful goals;  and experienced the calmness, focus and drive to take action in going after them!

I hope you will experience this proven process.  Below is a  testimonial:

“I really enjoyed the River of Time CD!  After listening to the River of Time CD I experienced that I slept better than I had in a long while. Those 20 minutes were the most stress-free, relaxing, and encouraging 20 minutes ever!”
Once again, thank you!  Mollie D.

River of Time CD

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